my love...

I love her.
I know what all she has done for me. Its because of her that I am like this now. But what do I do for her?
Manipulate things and erect a false portrait?{sr} I hate myself.
Create problems for her? Become a problem for her?(She will never feel so-But it doesn't cease to be truth, right?)Damn it.

What do I really do for her, though I claim to do many many things for her(Medicine, Medicines,'Psychological sharing of burdens' ...Funny, isn't it?)


My life...Love it more than her..
But is my life different from hers? She has given me life!!
Then what do I really expect me to do to prove that I Love my Life??
I AM happy, right?

My proffession...Want to love it..but cant!!
Want to give my everything for it, but dont!!
Because for me, everything else is also important--friends, their feelings and emotions; people and their opinions on me, my attire, my attitude, my academics, my appearance; my poetry; my portrait; my pleasures; Comments; compliments; Compassion; Consideration; Consolation; Domination; Competence...What not??

I want everything.
I wany everything.
Cant I get them all??