Chala samavatsarala tarvata malli naku nenu kanipistunnanu.


Kani inni samvatsaralu gadichinanduku edo oka improvement undali kada. Nenu ippudu munupati kante better kada. yeah I am better.

Ippudu naku enduku kashtanga undi
yeah kashtanga undi bandi kadalatledu anduke

enduku kadalatledu/

Strategy is not good technuque is not good
goals are not clear
even if I was clear, target is not attainable



kbe ware sam
U have 3 hrs

4 cases remaining



Hmmm...

Is that all?

entido idi. Artham kavateldu. andinatle untundi kani edi naa sontam kadu. nadi antu edi ledu. Naavainavi naku nachatledu. Naku kavalasinavi navi kadu

Endukalaga?

Cant I amke things happen?
Cant I work out what I want?

Why dont things HAPPEN?

Does the fault lie in me?
If yes. what IS it?


What is it?what's wrong with me?
What should I do to MAKE things happen for me?


FOCUS??
JUST FOCUS??
Is it enough?
really?


Then I'll focus.

AND MAKE THINGS HAPPEN FOR ME.

paediatrics

failure
utter failure


its 3 hrs already
still didn't complete diarrhoea

I came to know that i am going to face rp

Aina chadavatledu
Endukalaga


Nenu chadavali


I have to reasd
I have to learn

I have to face him confidently
I should not hang my head in fromt of him




I should face him well



I should face him



I will learn as much as possible now
I will learn as much as possible now

I have to learn
I have to learn

I have to answer him
I have to answer him
I have to answer him well


I will
I can read well tomorrow
I have ample of time
I will read well
I will learn
I will reproduce
I will master these topics
I am capable
I am efficient
I am a good sincere student
I am a committed girl
I am committed to doing my work
I am committed to doing my work of learning key concepts in pediatrics
I will learn everything I can learn in this 2 days


To learn is my duty
To make myself equipped with allt he information is my responsibility
I will do my duty
I will fulfil my responsibility





I am a responsible girl.

i willl do it

nenu ippudu ilage unta...Aa tarvata edusta.

deeniki verega eppudaina emaina chesana?



Eppudo emi cheyakapote enti
Ippudu chesta. I'll have what i want

I WILL HAVE WHAT I WANT.
Now I want to complete diarrhoea in 25 min. And I will.
This is my verdict.


Nothing can prevent this from happening

My laptop says 20:02 now.
I will return at 20:25

...

I dont know

Naku kavalasinadani kosam nenu poradali.
I have to stand for what I want.


What do I want?
What do I want?



WHAT DO I WANT?




yeah! I know what I want now

improve dear

Chi entidi?

No
NO

I know what I am
I know what I want

Inkokari assistance kosam vedukkovadam enti... Chi

Sam
U know that u r ur only friend
stay with urself
Dont succumb to all those unnecessary longings

Dont
dont
DONT


No sam

Deal with urself



Deal with yourself


























DEAL WITH YOURSELF

Hatred. Towards what? I dont know...
I hate.
Hate my own existance.
I dont deserve myself

check this out!

http://www.eenadu.net/archives/archive-9-8-2009/htm/2vnewfeatureshow.asp?qry=6&reccount=13

shit

natta nadaka
Em cheyanu... guddi kanna mella melu anukovalemo

HUH




























































































































Wait and watch

iippudu ilage unta repu matram edusta


I am stupid
I will not be like this
5 hours left
I will not waste these


NO I will not

who knows!!

Nenem rayalanukunnano marchipotaneno ani bhayamestondi.
Marchipote...malli rayakapote naa badha teeredela?/???


Oppukovadaniki konchem kashtanga undi
Difference gamanincha kani adi indifferrence ayyuntundi ani expect cheyaledu
Assalu expect cheyaledu

Aa indifference nu oppukolekapotunnanu
Tattukoleka potunnanu
Naa valla assalu kavatledu danni accept cheyadam

I am not able to do it
badhaga undi
kashtanga undi

indifference nu kaligi unna relation....can it really sustain---ippatilaga.
Is it possible for such a relation to stay alive.. hail and healty??
I dont know


Aina result naku favourable ga undunte---I mean nenu korukunnade jarigunte nenu intaga badhapadedanni kademo...

Avasaram leni chota inta fuss jarugutonte tattukoleka potunna
I am not able to bear it. chala kashtanga undi

asalu intajarugutondani kuda naku teleedu. I didnt know'
Is this just abt givin ?

I am not able to analyse
ippudu nenu 'badha' antunnadi nijaniki badha kademo. adi bhayamemo
leda guilt o

I dont know
Naku teleedu....

maree--- emo.

Naku value teliyalani ala cheyadam jarugutondemo.... though involuntary!!!

Emo...who knows

Ha!

kakali tappadu

Ee impatience ku outlet kavalante tappadu
reseyali tappadu

Anta raseyali
edupu aagedaka rayali
kanneellu kaarinantasepu rayali
manasu telika padedaka rayali

I have no other go
I want to write everything

I want to vent out all agony and confusion
I want to make myself free from all sorrows all confusions
I want to stay calm cool and focus on my life
focus on my goal
focus on my passion
focus on my existence
focus on my abilities












































I will see what I can do.


I will see what i can do
I will see what I can do


I will see what I can do

go!

Asalu tikka godavallo sollu gossip la lo involve ayye time kuda undaleni life kavalani kalalu kane danni

Alanti paristhiti ni nene dooram chesukuntunnanu

Get busy, sam.

Asalu chuttu em jarugutondo kuda pattinchukolenanta busy aipo

Samayam ela gadichipotundo kuda arthamkananta busy aipo

Evaru ekkadikelli potunnaro kuda telusukokunda kadalipo

Get busy.

GET BUSY

relish every minute of ur life

Relish evry moment of ur life

work...

I want to love

LOVE my work

LOVE MY WORK

I have gone mad!


No I haven t

pch!

Dont know why I feel so gloomy!

Perhaps I know!

Yes, I know.
I know the reason for everything
The reason is hatred
Hatred for this feeling of dissatisfaction that I live with.

Hatred for the dissatisfaction I bear.









I dont like myself.



















I want to weep... bitterly.
BITTERLY.

i WANT TO WEEP.
i HATE MYSELF FOR BEING THIS.
i HATE MYSELF FOR BEING THIS.
i HATE BEING MYSELF...

i KNOW I CANT FORGIVE MYSELF FOR THIS KIND OF HATRED.
bUT STILL i HAVE TO EXPRESS IT
sTILL, i WANT AN OUTLET


i DONT WANT THIS
i DONT WANT THIS .

THIS STUPID LIFE OF ADJUSTMENT, RATIONALIZATION.

i AM TRYING TO KEEP MY HEAR SRTAIGHT, ALWAYS , BY GIVING REFERENCE TO PAST GLORY...AND PAST ACHIEVEMENTS
i DINT AGREE THIS.
i WANT EVR\ERY DAY OF MY LIFE TO EARN ME SOMETHING
i WANT IT TO EARN ME SATISFACTION
iMMENSE PLEASURE
BOUNDLESS JOY
FEELING OF ACCOMPLISHMENT

i WANT IT
i WNAT IT
i WANT TO DO SOMETHNING
i WANT TO DO SOMETHING

HA!

i dont really believe that these personality tests do tell me something about myself!!
But still, I keep doing them
I find fun in doing them
I tend to spend time in trying to judge them and analyze them

I'm silly, amn't I??

Global Personality Test Results

Stability (46%) medium which suggests you average somewhere in between being calm and resilient and being anxious and reactive. Orderliness (10%) very low which suggests you are overly flexible, improvised, and fun seeking at the expense too often of reliability, work ethic, and long term accomplishment. Extraversion (36%) moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

Take Free Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Enneagram Test Results Type 1 Perfectionism || 10% Type 2 Helpfulness |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Type 3 Image Focus |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 4 Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 78% Type 5 Detachment |||||||||||||| 54% Type 6 Anxiety |||||||||||| 50% Type 7 Adventurousness |||||||||||||||| 62% Type 8 Aggressiveness |||| 18% Type 9 Calmness |||||||||||| 50% Your main type is 2 Your variant is self pres

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

Main Type	Overall Self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test

12/5/09

Blogs ekkuvaipoyay

Visugochesidi!!!!!!~


But this is my sole sweet site :)


Edi kotta utsaham.... Utsaham...just for soul
inka baddakam vadalaledu


Kani I am happy
I'm happy that I find myself alive again!
I'm happy to find this zeal in myself again.

After loooooooong gap!

I am really happy.
This is a good begining!

I'm satisfied!!

Today everything is just in feelings and words.
But tomorrow I must find everything in action.
My deeds must speak tomorrow.

I AM HAPPY

A pic's fuss!!

Gandaragolam chesesa anta!!
:-)

Papam cover cheyadaniki trials veera level lo jarigay, But still---
Nenu chesinadi oka tikka pani...daniki em cheyalo artham kaka inkonni tikka panulu...

Aapaina em cheyalo artham kaka edupulu :)

aaveshanga blog kuda rasesa ededo!!!

Beware!

Joy or sorrow… Whatever the news is..

I return!!

But today… Its something different.
Its like realization.

Well, these days I find myself realizing some stupid fact about everything
And always!!

I dont know
It was a spurt.
An episode of emotional outburst.
A couple of minutes when I became senseless…insensible..silly—I dont know what adjective to add!
Something which makes no sense to me.
Something which didn’t make any sense to me when it was actually happening.

It has nothing to do with this ‘realization’ however.

Its a fact.. An unquestionable fact…
That I have got a dangerous habit..
Of letting my thoughts wander as they please.. without any watch over them.

Its dangerous because, by doing so, I dont give myself any choice in there.
I dont give myself any control over them
I dont give myself any opportunity to screen them

thereby wiping out every possibility of my marching towards my dreams!!

I dont know what it is technically or conventionally called.
I choose to label them as dangerloops that trap energy, neutralize it, and so the fuel gets used up, but engine goes no where…

Ha! Ha!

This is a reminder for myself.

a reminder

AMMANEM ANODDU
AMMANEM ANODDU

AMMANEM ANODDU

AMMANEM ANODDU

AMMANEM ANODDU

Go sam

Anta jarigipotondi.
Jarigipotundi, mamule!!

Ha! Ha!

Navvali.
Navvali sam.

Smile

Ediste problems solve avvavu sam.
Dhairyanga face chey.
Anni nee panula ve consequences.

Face them.
Dont try to escape
Dont escape the strugle
Dont escape the pain

Have them.
Relish them
Get through them.

Enni rojulu paaripotu bratukutav.
Enni rojulu dakkontav

Its enough
ITS ENOUGH.

March ahead yaar
March ahead


:)

I'll study :)

Inta frustation ento!!

But still I am fine now. Happy.... :)
Inkemundi ippudu?
Chaduvta
Chatanainanta chaduvta
chatakanantavaraku chaduvta

Thats it!!

Go by ur beliefs

Feelings
Unnatla? Lenatla?

Undadam sugunamaa? Lekapovadam neramaa?
Naku edaina anipinchinda leda ani nenu aalocinchukovala?
Should I feed myself to feel things?
Is being feelingless a sin?
A I really feelingless?

Asalu feel avvadam ante?
Edcheyadama?
sanubhuti chupincheyadama?
Vallu padutunnanta badha nenu kuda padadama?

Shouldn't I have my own definitions?
Then what exactly is my definition??

Spandinchadam ante---
Well I think I understand.
I think I understand.

Rayaleka poina adento naku telusu.


Thats my way of reacting.
Evarem expect chestaru anna danni batti manalni manam malachukovalasina avasaram ledu. Konni exceptions pakkanapedite...asalu alantivi criteria ga pettukokudadu.

The only valid criteria are ur beliefs.
Find what u believe.
Go by ur beliefs.
Not people
Not their reactions
Not their expectations

Just ur beliefs.

EEEE

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

eM LEDU BAGUNDI, aNTE!!!
i WILL CELEBRATE!!!


cELEBRATION... iS THYROID!!!!!!!
:) :) :)
;) ;) ;)

DRAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Em rayali...

Nijamenemo..
Excuses lone bradikestunnanemo...
Why excuses..
Why defence...
Why explanations..

Whats the need of all this??

I dont know
Dont know...

Hey!!!
Malli excuse...

Ha! Ha! Ha!

Conditioning is reversible...
Deconditioning is quite posible.

Ippatinundi no 'emo'
Absolutely No 'naku teleedu'


Edaite enti cheppu....
Edaina sare parvaledu, face cheyadame!
Ante!

Antekani chandalanga excuses enti?
Rationalization enti??

NO WAY!!!!

Just like that!!

Was talking to Manju

:)

Hate it

I have really turned mad.

Emi chadavatledu............................................................................................................
I HATE IT

Modalupedutunna ippudu.....

No retreat this time

Ha! Ha!

Gone mad again.

Pustakam mundu leka pote naku tikkekkutundi malli.
Ento, aravalanundi.


What yaar... Neeku kavalasindi dorakatledani edcheste ela.
Sadhinchuko. Nothing is impossible.

Aravadam valla panulu jaragav..Aagavu kuda le!!

Aravochu...Kani akkadito aagipoku. Get what u want :)

7/4

Asalu em raddamani open chesano mari...
Pata raatalu chaduvutu marchipoya!!

Well! 6 15

Modalavutundi ippudu!!!

Here I go!

:)

Enduko teliyadu
Naku eeroju naku chala rayalanipistondi...

Pani cheyadam kanna rayadam ishtamainadi..kashtam lenidi kada! Andukenemo!!

What ever it may be. I love this moment.
Enduko teliyadu. I am begining to love the way my fingers work on my keyboard.
I dont think I have ever enjoyed this.
But I like the way they move on the keys!!

I am happy.
I am contended.


I will work.
I will work to my heart's content.

i will work beyond my limits.

I will work till everything in me wears off.
I will work till I cannot stand it any longer.
I will work till my body doesnt cooperate any further.

I know that my soul will never retire.
I know it will stand all odds.
I know it will take me to my destiny.

Me--An Idealist??!!

Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers.

Idealists at Work
Idealists, as a temperament, are passionately concerned with personal growth and development. They are naturally drawn to working with people and are gifted with helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potential both on, and off, the job.

Conscience looms large for you; in almost any situation, you feel compelled to measure yourself, other people, and the conditions of the environment against your personal morality. You have a tendency to perceive questions of meaning in even trivial matters and to worry about far-flung consequences of your actions. In your ideal job, you are free to pursue depth rather than breadth and quality rather than quantity. You feel rewarded when your projects and daily tasks allow you to immerse yourself in your process as deeply as you "need to" in order to satisfy your inner standards of quality. You are uncomfortable with the notion of authority per se and may avoid leading, as well as being led, either consciously or unconsciously. As you experience them, adhering to fixed roles and rules amounts to an abdication of your responsibility to exercise your conscience.

A change..

March 19, 2009

I believe
That the problem is deep

I believe
that my misery now,
is neither a single day’s mishap
Nor a consequence of a single wrong decision

I believe
that the problem is deep.

I believe
that it has its roots
In age old habits

I believe
that it has its origin
in ever cherished feelings
Of reluctance

I believe
that the problem lies with
unchallenged tendencies
Of being easily influenced
and universally yielding..

If I’ve identified myself right,Then

The solution to all my problems is 'Change'

Change into uniqueness
Change into a discrete core…
Change into an existing reality..

Change into a being--
With a character of her own
With beliefs, behaviour; Accent, attitude
Of her own,

All uninfluenced---
By the world around
Or its rules;
By the people around
Or their expectations...

I want toLive as myself
Unaltered…and unalterable
Undestroyed…and undestroyable

I want
Unique and unified
Me.

oph

I dont know what to write

I dont know what to talk of today's performance
In fact I dont want to talk abt this
I dont want to talk abt anything

I really dont want to.




A million things are going on in my mind
But I am deliberately trying to ignor them
Coz I believe---want to believe that nothing in this world matters except work
Feelings emotions.....everything
I dont even want to list anything
I dont want to think of them even for the purpose of making a list of them.
I dont know if I am right
I dont know if I am forcing myself into a wrong way
I dont know


I dont know

I dont want to know
I dont want to try to know


I will listen to myself again only when I satisfy self

I dont like this either
I dont like anything
I dont like anything

ANYTHING

I dont know what to write


I dont want to write anything





It occurs to me that i must use my brain and guide myself...guide these sentences and words in a 'productive way'...




I dont want to

I dont

I dont.





Oh my god, I want to get away from it atleast here...
No I dont want to run aaway from my own problems

I dont like to









































How many 'dont's' are there on this page???!!!!!!

Lunacy!!!

I am lucky

Luckiest girl in the world
For having this place for myself
For having this for my own self

For having a space
All to myself

To scribble anything
To write any trash I wish to

Ha!
Am I a patient of psychiatry?

People would make me anything they like




But they are not the dictators of my life

They are not the dictators...







I own myself
I own myself

I own every moment of my life
I own every move of mine
I own every thought of mine
I own every virtue of mine
I own every vice of mine
I own every dream of mine
I own every desire of mine
I own every inch of my soul
I own myself





this is all my property







This is all my property






I can do any thing I want with my life
No one has got any right or control over it



Its my life



I have got responsibilities
I have got responsibility
to give them the correct harvest




















I know

But I can keep up my responsibilities only when I am contented with myself

Only when I will be satisfied with myself






I must satisfy myself first





I must satisfy myself first



I need stisfaction
I need satisfaction