what am I split in between?

Is it a sin to dream?
Is is all out of my bounds? Out of my reach?
Is it wrong to think of becoming better?

Am I bound to perish?
Are pleasure and confidence banned from my arena?

am I entitled only to pain panic disgust and depression.


Should I live with all these dirty ill feelings?
Oh how long?

Inka ennallu--- ee vyatha veedana baadha nissattuva narakam







I hate this life. I cant stand it any longer.





Am I waiting for some magic to set all things right for me at the moment, right now, right away?
cant I make things possi ble now?
wjhy do I fail in all of my attempts?
why is it as if someone is trying constantlly and consistently to make me fail utterly in all my attempts by whatsoevr means to nibble off the budding hope and strangthen my hatred for this life?

Is it wrong to dream?

Am I unfit and inccapable to dream of such things and think of making them real?


IS EVERYTHING OVER NOW?


Do I have nothing in my life with me now?




What is igt that I have to do now?

What is it that I need to do now?>



what is wron wiht me?
waht is wrong with my ways/




i lose all hope now?
I have no desire to face this world or ots people
I am all lost.

I'm not wiht myself


I'm worse than dead.


what am I trapped amidst?


what is it that I can do?

Is there anything in life that I can do now/

is there anything in me that can keep me alive?
Or is it all trash? is that all ash?

alll the empty minutes
all the lifeless breaths
all those vain attempts
all those vague realities


This pool of tears
these tonnes of fears

unmeasurable pain
unbearable torture




is this all I have for my life/



naa aashalanni chachipotunnay.
naku kalalu kane dhairyam leduppudu.
vastavalloki tongi chuse sthairyam antakanna ledu.



nakem modalupettalani kuda ledu.
pustakam teravalantene bhayamestondi.

malli tattukolenu. I cant bear it all again.



i just cant.
I JUST CANT.


oh marcipoyanu.
avnu ade devudu nakichina pedda varam.
I can forget. I can forget that something wrong has ever happened.
i can feel as fine as I had always been.



hope another avalanche doesn't set in, hope another small failure wouldn't get so big on me to smash all the life in me.

perhaps I've to redefine my definitions of success and failure.

perhaps I'm not that great or capable to do all those things I want to do.
Perhaps I'm petty, and I have to live with all petty desires of 1 2 under everything.
perhaps that is all I'm capable of.
Perhaps that is all I can expect from myself and my life.

Perhaps this would satisfy the imagined invisible being who is trying to ruin me.
Perhaps this would be enough to make myself immune to his assaults.



































IF I CANNOT RUN, IF I CANNOT WALK, THEN i'LL CRAWL ATLEAST... ITS BETTER THAN STANDING STILL,NO?