dare to take decisions sam

dare to choose your next step. gali etu tarimite ala velladam kadu. Terachaapa nu neeku kavalasina result vachela vaaduko. Just use. ante :)

Waiting 4 my doc.

Ento. Nakem artham kavatledu. Tappento teleedu. Aina nenenti? Chetulu muduchuku khali ga kurchunte edo ashareera vani type lo dananantatade vachi solution istundanukuntunnana? Na

fag end of casualty posting...

Hmmm...

ryles and foleys ok.
cath inka perfect kaledu.
venesection nerchukune opportunity vadulukunna

sutures ok. parvaledu. expert nu kanu but still, naa meeda pani vadilesi vellochanna bharosa ivvagalanu.poisonings inka confidence ledu. hate this

ECG lo chaala nerchukuntunna, I know i'm not still complete, but still, I'm fine


coimbatore ku velta, I've decided.


and ee roju nundi chaduvtunna. that's also decided.

I dont know... endukochesano teliyadu

MNaakakkada undaalani ledu. Undedaannemo akkade, balavantanga. undundalsindemo. but enduko vachesa...

tana kosame naaku ee thought vachindemo anipinchindi vachesaka. I almost forgot everything about it in all this fuss. I'm sure I would not have remembered it till late. assalu anduke vachesanemo??!!


endukem baagaledu. enduko

do not resuscitate??

ekkada dorukutundi??

day 19

Emo. em pani chesanani nenu?

rbs check cheyaledani srinivas cheppetappudu arthamayyindi how important it is ani.

and planar st depressions gurinchi kuda telisindi. rendu sututes vesa. kontavaraku ok. Inka veyaali. em nerchukuntunna roju?? Nothing, I hate this. I really hate this. Ledu, I have to learn to manage.

cath lu ninna pettaledu. I have to learn to put. I just have to.

Ninna godavaindi okadito. tt diclofenac veyinchi suture room lo kurchomani cheppi vere patient daggaraku vellanu. vaadu taagi unnadanta. gola chestondinnadu. arustu undinnadu assalu emi pattinchukovatledani. how can I stop disposing another case when I know pretty well that suturing takes time... Nannu bootulu tittinatlunnadu. em tittado kuda teliyadu. tarun nannu bayataku ranivvaledu. tarvata enta adiginaa cheppaledu. kani pade pade phone chesi naa mood ela vundo kanukkuntunnadu. hospital lo jariginavi pattinchukoku, taginavallu ededo matladutuntaru avanni enduku pattinchukuntav antu datestunnadu. kani kishore cheppadu, tarun chaala kopanga undinnadanta... kallu erragaa aipoi, gatti gattiga arichi tarimesadanta vaadini. emem tittado nannu tarun anta react ayyadante. nenemaina tappu chesana? I dont know. suture kosam wait cheyamani cheppi inkoka case kosam velladam tappa? tt, diclo ventane veyincha. immediate ga. mlc enter chesukokundane. pain taggite wait cheyagalaru kada ani. asaluke drowning patient, twaraga physician ku pettali, huh. I dont know what my mistake is. Naake edola undi. Tarun lopalaku pommanakapoyunte vaadu vaaginadanta nenu vinunte tattukolekapoyedannemo... Thanks tarun, thank you very much. Eee 'edola' undadanne tattukolekapotunna, nuv lopalaku pampakapoyunte inkela aipoyedaanno... thanks, I'm fine now, atleast better. thank you, again :)

inkaaa... chudu, viseshalu lekundane gadachipotunnay rojulu... hmmm...

day 18

even worst. roju rojuki naa paristhiti.

naa meeda nade asahyam vestondi.

em teliyaka povadam neram ananu nenu. but ippati naa paristhiti naaku nachatledu. I hate this I hate this.



super vasmol poisoning lo 6 points ns pettala? Naku telliyadfe idanta. huh!

Cath s ok. better. inka green cath taruvayi.


dare to take decisions dear

so emanali deeni? punishment anaaaaaaaaala?

Adem kaadu. Naaku ee tindi ishtam kedu. anduke ee gola anta

I hate this. I hate this.


Em pedda teda ledu nijame. nenu kuda vallandari laagaane tayaaraipotunnanaa


I dont know I dont know'
Naku kopam vastondi. Naaku kopam vastondi.

Endukila tayaaraipotunnano teleedu. this is not what I want. This is NOT. ABSOLUTELY NOT. Nakem kaavaalo adi khachitanga pondutaanu. Khachitanga.

Iwill have it. Is it impossible.Is it tough. It had been tough all along. And it would be so all ahead. So what? Should I quit? No. I wouldn't. I wouldn't.

i WOULD NOT

day 17

Okka sariga chaala bhayamesindi, badhesindi. Aipoyindaa antaa moodu rojullo ani anukunna.

aa escapist tendency, aa reluctant nature, aa incapability---chi asahyamesindi. Is this what I am, again?? ani anipinchindi. baadhesindi. naaku idi kaadu kaavalasindi.

enduku kotta ante bhayapadutunna. enduku decision making ante bhayapadutunna? endukanta janku? tbm ayyuntundi ante kada, thats it. enduku anta hesitation. aakharuku foley's teeseyadaniki kuda tarun nu adagala? No way. Its wrong. alaa cheyoddu. tappu. stand on your own feet. you are all capable. dare to take your decisions. date to learn when you are in doubt. dare to retain and apply what you learn.


Stop it stupid. stop being foolish.

ecg chudadamlo unna confidence atleast cath pettadam lo kuda ledu.


I appreciate, ivvala chinna vein ani ravi chandra discourage chestunna pettesav blue cath. good. congratulations. but when r you goin to put a green one? when are yu going to analyze the condition of the patients you treat? when are you going to stop saying ' I dont know' to everything that you are asked about? When are you going to master the art and science of medicine?


Ecg lo av dissociation. anta. heart block ani gurtupatta. but still, complete heartblock ani gurtu pattaleka poya. q waves anta baaga unnay, kanukkola. how stupid. kalla mundu unnadi kuda chudaleka pote! I hate this.

neck rigidity undi ani cheppadaaniki kuda bhayamaaa. descision making ante endukanta dooram parigedatav??

suture??? when when and WHEN?

Ee bhayam and janku eppudu pogottukuntav?

and chadavadam eppudu modalupedatav?

day 14

Oh appude half of the posting aipoinda.... :D

okka case manage cheyagane enta confidence vachesindi naaku!! Poisoning ante assalu jankatledu. Kani inka naipunyam kavali naku.

Inka shraddaga cheyali pani... nenu cheyatledu, I'm an idiot. Inkonchem quick analysis, Inkonchem better evaluation... It is a need.

cath inka pettadam raledu---I mean vacho rado teleedu, how shameful

Ivaale idi ila... kottaga...

emo correct o kado naku teleedu. but I'm being like this now, coz I want to be like this now. I feel like being like this now. I know this is a fool's logic, but still, i want to be like this now, YES.

day 13

waste. em nerchukoledu.

Supervasmol poisoning. rendu treat chesa. aina emundi andulo? aspiration cheyadam and hydrocortisone ivvadam. huh. six months daka muscle weakness. Nephrotoxicity? laryngeal edema?

rabies patient. H/o dogbite miss chesunte nenu??? Its not seizure. i cannot call it altered sensorium. ravi chandra encephalitis annadu. emo. H/o dog bite was important. sweta enta baaga pettesindi cath. I need that skill. I'm impressed!!! :)
ala untunda aerophobia? and hydrophobia?? Oh my god!!

finally, serum nu disturb cheyakunda rapicheck petta. hey! success :) Ilane cath petta ani eppudu egurutano.

ryles and foley's ok. rabies patient ki taka taka pettesa. 5 min lo rendu.

blood kuda teesa, ok... but paapam ataniki chaala chotla kuchaalsochindi. kani bhayapadaledu. aa vishayam lo its an improvement.

aina sotta moothi chiraku mukham enduku naaku/prashantanga undochu kada, visugu mukham chuste papam patients ku ela untundi. react avvakunda receive chesukoleva andarini/? be cool sam. ninnu chuse sagam chiraku taggali vallaki. inka agony irritation peragakudadu. learn to deal with people,sam. Learn to deal.


You have to deal you have to deal You have to.


remember you are a doc. behave yourself. you have to cure people. dont add to their miseries, at any angle.

day 12

poisoning okkadanne manage chesa. Evvaru leru kanuchupu mera lo. chaala bhayamesindi. kallu cheyi aadaledu. lavage chestunna. op compound adi. kani clear fluid vastondi. Confirm chesukune lavage start chesa. kani clear fluid vachesariki bhayamesindi, lung lo pettanemo ani. I was afraid. anta apanammakamento naa meeda naaku. aakharuku saline andinchadaniki kuda sisters leru. bhayamesi dikkulu chusa, I was afraid. I dont know. atropine icha. brain assalu pani cheyaledu. pam istaro ledo kuda teliyadu. tarun nu kanukkomanna.


It was my first. ippudu poisoning vaste nene chusukunta. I know what to do and how to monitor.

chlorpyriphos ok
endosulphan gurinchi sekhar sir nu adagali
supervasmol kuda.

enduku nenu emergencies nu handle cheyaleka potunna. what happened to my senses?
What happened to my brain? why dont they work for me?
Naaku ee opportunity malli radu. i have to learn everything now. only 18 days left. I have to learn. I have to learn. i have to learn

forst first and first sam, DONT BE AFRAID. nee attention anta bhayapadadam meeda kakunda pani meeda pettu. feelings meeda kakunda work meeda pettu. feelings ku nuvvu istunna importance nee concentration nu debbateestondi. watch yourself. anduke you miss the spark in you. coz you dont give it any space to come out. nuv nee pani meeda concentrate chestene kada emaina jarigedi. beware dear. think quick and act quick. stop being uncertain. decision teesukovalasina paristhiti vaste jankoddu. dont. nee daari correctaa kaada confirm chesukuni munduku vellu. learn the skill of communicating with people, with your collegues and seniors. to the point clear ga adigi telusukovadam nerchuko.

burns. aakhariki percentage calculate chesukovadam lo kuda bhayamena stupid. rule of nine kuda gurturananta bhayama rascal. ee sari burns case vaste em cheyalo neeku telsu kada. Ila malli bhayapadav kada. you know how to deal kada. you know what to do kada. good.

So ninnanta kalipi nenu chesindi intena?
poisoning
burns
antena stupid

Sutures inka eppudu vestav?
proficiency eppudu sampadinchukuntav?

and oh yes, post wall infarct, ecg lo, thats a new point, fine. good. kani inka information kavali dani gurinchi. ekkada dorukutundi?


EPPUDU CHADUVTA NENU HARRISON?


Sam, job for you today. deniki bhayapadoddu. remember, you are a doc. all you have to do is to do whatever you want to do with UTMOST ATTENTION. ante. attention pay chey. nee probs solve aipotay.

casualty

emo em rayadaniki teesukunnano idi

casualty night shifts aipoyay.


11 days up.
em saadhincha?

symptomatic ga treatment---ok parvaledu confindent ga ne pedutunna. But still, I need efficiency.

Prati roju ante, naa inefficiency kanipistundi naaku. Paaripovalanipistundi naa duties nundi. alaanti haanikaramaina aalochanalanundi freedom kosame nature nannu casualty lo tosesindi le :) busy aipoyi 'naaku radu' ani aalochinchadame amrchipotunna. ennenno nerchukuntunna. I'm not satisfied, completely, but still, I'm fine.

emo mari...

idi oka govt hosp. chest pain complain chesina vaallandariki ecg routine ga advise cheyadam oka sampradayam ikkada. adi avasaramaa leda analyze chesi decide cheyagaligedeppudu??


angina... angina equivalents, unstable angina... just ischemia valla st depressions
infarcts--- gross elevations and t wave inversions... artefacts --- hyperpolarisations, st take off.... anni chusa. chala chusa. prabhakar kuda gurtunnadu. almost moribund, vachinappudu. ecg kosam pampincha. dead body ni venakku techaru. pulse tagalanappudu auscultate chesundalsindemo. atanu vf lo lekapoyina atleast oxygen pettindalsindemo. atani death lo naa baadhyata entundo naakaite arthamkavadam ledu. cheppe vallu kuda evaru/. adigi telusukune teerika kuda ledu---anni op sheets chetilo. annii chest pain kosame... I dont know. adi jarigi inni rojulaindi. inka chadavaledu daani gurinchi. nijangane busy ga unnano leka unnananukuntunnano]



aa tarvata kuda chest pain cases chusa. aspirin, clopidogrel sorbitrate... Ide naa paridhi. aa tarvata physician ku pettestunna. before the onset of arrythmias. huh
Still not sure of triage. Ee uncertainity nachatledu. Nenu nerchukovali. but eppudu/ ekkada?

i'm happy, that i could anwswer all the sir's questions. ecg alaanaa ammay read chesedi, first rate? rhythm/ axis? p wave? pr? st? t waves? qrs complexes? annintiki answers cheppa. nenu cheppina findings nu analyze chesadaayana. baaganipinchindi. Naa side nundi aa matram effort lekapointe aayana analysis daaka vachevadu kaademo. and clinical application is what I need to learn here. it is what my books dont teach. huh.

scorpion sting
dog bite

oka daani rx theory telusu. inkoka daanni nene treat chesa.
Snake bite is the one left now. Which I still have to learn

seizure management, stilll not sure.
phenytoin loading dose 2 to 3 times petts. diazepam ela istaro kuda telsu. 2 to 3 times petts. kaani edi e set up lo istaro inka not sure.
theory and practhical veru ga kanipistunnay. i mean, pani chesetappudu nenu nerchukunnadi apply cheyaleka potunna. apply cheyadaniki try cheyadaniki pustakaalanu cheuse time teerika oopika undatledu. Nenu inka better ga cheyochu. cheyatledu.

dopamine drip petta. cpr chesetappudu atropine ivvadam chusa. half life takkuva, ns to push cheyamannaru evaro. adi adenosine and sodium nitroprusside ku sambandhinchi kada, I dont knwo. naaku raado ataniki raado. evarinadagaali ippudu nenu? sekhar sir? chuddam.

adrenaline cpr chesetappudu entistaru ela istaru/ iv ivvakudadu kada/ ivvocha?
acls ku dabbulu kattali

ge lu matram confident ga treat chestunna.kani inka rationale nu oppukoleka potunna. evari burra tinaloI'm happy first posting casualty padinanduku, surgery and med pade time ki konta base to vellagalanu kada. doubts anni ippude vachestay. I'll still have opportunity to learn.

Inka pain abdomen. rantac eppudistaro pantop ekkada prefer chestaro artham kadu. sekhar sir nu adagali. ok. preliminary treatment aite istunna, kani first examination to diagnosis pettalema? cyclopam laku rantac laku patient relief cheppaka pote ne emergency suspect cheyala? emergency ante symptomatic therpy ku respond avvanidanaa artham? how ridiculous. I need to learn everything about this. eppudo surgery posting appudu kadu. ippude nerchukunta. casualty aipoitylopu ateeast pain abdomen anna treat cheyagalagali kada.

rta's. ikna pattu raledu. injuries nu kuda confident ga describe cheyaleka potunna. pratidaaniki sekhar sir sekhar sir ani tiragadame. I must be able to work by myself. inni rojulaindi. inka iv line ventane secure cheyadam loni importance artham
kavatledu naaku. especially rta lu.

antaga concentraqte cheyatlledemo nenu. anduke nemo inta incompleteness. just pani complete chesukoni vellalani chustunnanemo. inka dhyasa petti panicheyali. naaku ee opportunity malli radu. sam, take care.


avnu nijamenemo. cath pettadamlo anta failure rate kuda andukenemo. huh. adi naaku vacho rado naaku ippatiki teleedu., I dont knwo

foley's ok. mistakes anni kiran sir kantlo ne padaali, aayane correct cheyaali nannu. aina aayana nanne enduku pilustaaro malli malli foleys pettadaniki. ok anukunnaremo.\
ennni pedutunnano lekka ledu naake. okkka bph ku aina pettali housie aipoye lopala.

ryle's kuda ok. first pettaledanna oka feeling undindi. but now its gone. taka taka
petteyagalanu confident ga.

kani poisionings complete ga manage cheyaledu. vachevanni rmlc's. atropine and pam ichese pampistaaru. doses gurinchi aalochinchadaaniki kuda teerika ledu. number of ampuoles to ne jeevitham gadichipotondi. okka ampuole ento naaku ippatiki teleedu.
poisonings meeda pattu kaavali inka naaku

last but not the least, sutures. sekhar sir to ippudu deal kudurchukunta. I have to learn it well. naaku vacheyali adi. vachu anna bhrama lo undakudadu. raadu anna feeling to bratakakudadu. suture raagane sir kosam wait cheyakunda nene velli veseyaali. I need that confidence. nas oppukodemo but still, i cant sacrifice my opportunities for her. I will not have a second chance. mundu nerchukunnake evarikaina nerpinchedi. lekapote nenu eppatiki assistant gane migilipotanemo.

sr okati chesa. tappu chesa first. kani nerchukunna. I'm happy.porapatuna suture material migilipote ela teeyaalo kuda chusukunna.

hope prem will be fine. adoka simple suture. sariga approximate kaaledemo ani naa feeling. feeling kadu nijamenemo. aa abbayi noppantunnadani baadhesi tondaraga kaanichesa. inkonchem slow ga chesundalsindi. its ok annadi akka. chuddam. chuddam.

Oh god! please please. nenu baaga nerchukovali. naakippudu 19 days matrame unnay. I have to learn well. i have to learn more.

inkaa janku vadalaledu naaku. eppudu vadulutundo adi. eppudu concentrate cheyadam nerchukuntano. I want it. I need it.


Try chestanu. Kau chestanu.
Cheyagalanu, naaku telusu. I know. i KNOW. :)


Tarun super. Atu gowtham itu fasi iddari tonu nenu tarun ku link ayyunnanani telisi shock ayya. rahim saresari. tarun kuda same loop lo unnadani teleedu nakippatidaka. Glad to know :)

And naseera... Tanaku nenu nachanani naaku enduko anipistu untundi, despite all evidences against it. Sam is ok, but not perfectly fit ani tana abhiprayamani naa observation.

Ravi chandra and lavanya. pani eppudu naaku appacheppinaa pedda feel ayyedanni kadu. but ninna kopamochindi. appatike 6 cases. vaatillo 4 mlc's. anni nene chusukuntunna. alaanti time lo anna cases teesukovaali kada. I'm irrtated. I'm damn irritated.

Nijame naseera cheppindi ninna. I need not be too 'generous' towards those. naa duty aipoyi half an hour ayyindi. inkaa naa cheta panulu cheyinchukuntunnaru vaalu darjaa ga kurchuni.adi realize avvakunda inka vaallu cheppindanta chestu kurchovadam--- huh, I'm a fool.

what else??


so ippatinundi dhyasa pettali
sutures nerchesukovali
chadavaali
inkaaaa better avvali. i have to become better. I ought to
and i will.

nijamaa naa bonda... oka abaddam inko abbadam to replace ayyindi... ante.

huh

Nijam

Naakishtam adi.

Prashantanga unchutundi nannu adi---Free from fear.. free from guilt... free from shame.
I go any length to keep it alive. For it makes me hold my head high.It keeps me free from fear... free from shame... free from guilt.

I want it. I need it. And i lived with it.............. Until I lost myself,a while ago... when, I dont know.

It just happened, And since then, 'I' am no where. truth is no where.




But the girl feels at home again, now??!!! Does what has happened just now, matter that much?

Thank u ra, If this is the first move, U inspired me to make this...

Jaada dorikindi naaku... I will find my way from here. I will take me back to the path that was once mine. I will take myself back to my world of joys and dreams. I will take myself back to my own dwelling place full of hope and zeal.

You showed me the traces of what was once called I.

Now I'm no longer a sailor trappped in worst of waters, tossing hopelessly at the mercy of waves.I know where I need to go. I have a compass. And I will set my sail.

Naato untav kadu, toduga... ... ... ...