Thats me...

Things are getting worse. Days roll by but I remain the same--Old, drab, stupid and worthless...

But I dont seem to bother...Well, to be honest, I dont understand what to bother about and what to ignore. I dont understand how to think of sooooo many things at a time and manage everything.

But I can say onething...

Amongst the endless list of things that 'trouble' me, one thing for which I can never forgive myself is my INCOMPETENCE. Speaking of incompetence, I mean to refer to my profession. If I dont improve day by day in terms of knowledge and skill, if I dont care to put effort to learn and practise, I can never forgive myself.

I can forgive myself for being absent minded and landing into troubles.
I can forgive myself for not caring about attire and appearance and being a prey for comments.
I can forgive myself for not defending myself when prone for comments.
I can bear my being branded a fool.
I can tolerate my being exploited.
I can stand my being projected as a comic character.

BUT...

I cant bear my inefficiency if I couldn't do what I ought to do as a doctor.
I cant stand the torture posed by my conscience when I fail to diagnose and treat a case correctly.
I cant tolerate my being negligent and careless towards my profession.

Medicine is my life
Medicine is my everything

When I can successfully accomplish all my duties as an efficient doctor, then, I think, otherthings being wrong doesn't bother me.

As long as my conscience doesn't accuse me of being inefficient, I think, worst would also be fine for me.